How do you say “making love” in sign language?

“To love we need to talk. Love is inconceivable without words, precisely because to love is to give something we do not have and you can only give what you do not have with words.”  — J A Miller

A couple of years ago I was asked by the organizations of deaf people in Uruguay to conduct a couple of workshops on sex education and prevention of sexually transmitted diseases with a group of deaf teens.

The request was based on questions the deaf teenagers had, their need for information and an opportunity to discuss their issues. But it was also due to worries some of the mothers had about new situations that were emerging as a consequence of an inclusive education experience been carried out in a traditional secondary school of Montevideo.

In the first meeting with the teens, I proposed they send me mobile texts with their questions and concerns about sexuality. That way, we were able to communicate quite fluently (I do not speak sign language) and also in a way that protected privacy.

Shortly after we started to discuss issues, I found something quite interesting: they had just one word (the same sign) to talk about “sex” versus “making love”. Of course it’s not always the case, but we like to think that making love and having sex are different experiences. So how can you distinguish when you have just one word?

What was more of a concern, they told me that if someone makes a sexual advance on another without consent– there was no different sign to convey this.

So it quickly became clear that it was impossible for these kids (who were mostly from middle-class backgrounds) to distinguish between what was actually going on in their relationships in the sense of whether they were having sex, making love or being coerced sexually.

It is not possible to navigate the often confusing waters of adolescent feelings and relationships when you do not have even minimal symbolic references to understand and examine these differences.

Our work started there. Together we worked to actually create the signs that they could incorporate into Uruguayan Sign Language that were necessary to understand their relationships, feelings and desires.

They began by creating words to refer to certain essential issues related to sexual development, reproduction, gender differences and means of negotiating intimate relations. We also introduced the concepts of sexual and reproductive rights and elaborated signs.

After a few meetings, we started to discuss how to talk with their deaf and hearing peers about the need for sexual desires and rights to be properly treated and ensured and an outcome was that they created videos, posters and post cards. Here are some of the products. Those interested went on to train as peer health promoters and health educators.

sexuality
You say “sexuality” like this
You say "prevention" like this
You say “prevention” like this
You say "condom" like this
You say “condom” like this
You say "rights" like this
You say “rights” like this